Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
