dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
