I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
