How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
