he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
