Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
