I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
