nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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