"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
