stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
