i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
