thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
