is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
