A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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