i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
