just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
