my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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