Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
