More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Houston, we have a squirter
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
