My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
As shirtless as possible
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
