My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
