Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
