i would punch a child for taco bell
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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