My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
