So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
