I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
