His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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