Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
