I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this beer tastes like vomit already
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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