If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
