I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
