Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
