I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I booty called her while she was in labor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
