Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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