He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
