Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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