Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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