i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
