She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
