im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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