he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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