drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
