Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
