She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
