she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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