I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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