True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
