please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
