I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
