elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
