I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
