I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
