I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
