this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
