why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
